


On Love and Phil Lester

by twoheadlights (fizzfic)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 08:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7353748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfic/pseuds/twoheadlights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there's something to be said about being in love with phil lester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Love and Phil Lester

**Author's Note:**

> i got emotional about phil at 4am nothing new 
> 
> this isnt beta'd so all mistakes belong to my sleepy self,

There's something to be said about being in love with Phil Lester. He isn't the best with expression of his feelings, but he tries and that makes you fall in love. He tells you sweet things in the middle of the night; on the phone, through a computer screen, next to you with his foot over yours.  
  
You don't realise you're in love with him at first, see. Even though you let yourself _feel_ easily enough — it's a bit hard after the last time — it takes a few weeks, months worth of seeing him, memorising him.  
  
The first time is Halloween when he's surrounded by people he's known longer than he's known you, people who want to spend time with him almost as much as you do ( _almost_ ), and yet, here he is, by your side the whole night, the next morning, dropping you off at the station, on the phone with you as soon as you get home.  
  
Phil likes his coffee. He practically breathes it in. Milk, two sugars; no more, no less. You store that information in your mind not knowing that it'd be useful for a very, very long time. He likes coffee while he edits videos. He has it when he doesn't know what to do with himself and since that usually happens in the evenings, he ends up calling you at ungodly hours and you talk about everything under the sun. You realise you've fallen in love with the faint scent of coffee always on him.  
  
There's also something to be said about Phil Lester falling in love with you. He says it out loud on a cold December night after Uma Thurman on his Kill Bill poster watches you fuck (“she probably liked it,” Phil says later on, a cheeky grin on his face that makes you smack his chest). He says it softly, as always like it's a secret, but you know it's real because you feel the warmth in his tone and you can feel his fear for letting himself feel love when he's always been so guarded. You kiss him, say "I love you too" and wrap your arms around him.  


Phil finds it a lot harder to say 'I love you' after that night. You decide to be patient; for the first time, you're the experienced one here. You remember the first time you fell in love — or well, you thought. You don't tell him about it because talking about the past isn't something you both do. Instead, you think about how funny it is that everyone feels love differently and the same person can fall in love with different people in different ways.  
  
There's not one point after that you aren't in love with Phil. When you move to Manchester to be closer to him, when he sneaks into uni halls to see you, when you move in together months later. You're in love when he's angry. You are too — angry, that is. But he looks so beautiful, all tense muscles and steady voice despite the emotions he's obviously not letting out. Where you're an open book, he's an enigma. Over the years, you learn bigger lessons about Phil Lester other than how he takes his coffee. Seeing him almost every hour of every day helps with that. Secretly, you feel proud to know things about him that his parents probably don't even know. You let slip some of these things, just so people can marvel at it. Phil Lester: a mystery to all but one.  
  
You don't take it for granted. You're always aware of the fact that he's letting you in as much as he is because this is the way he's saying he loves you.  


Phil's never felt this way about someone before, you've had to remind yourself in the past. Cool, confident Phil used to stutter at the words 'I love you'. In seven years, he learnt he didn't have to _say_ it — and that's why you see it in the breakfasts he makes for you, you see it in his little presents for you on birthdays and Christmases (and Valentine's Days, "because why the fuck not"). In his encouraging nods while you propose ideas to him. You feel it in his soft touches. He gets frustrated when he doesn't see you for more than six hours but he lights up like a fireworks display the minute he lays his eyes on you. 

You definitely feel the love in Japan. He buys the tickets on a whim, a wild look in his eyes (which were the first things you fell in love with all those years ago and didn't realise, silly boy). When you're in Japan, it really is like walking into a pastel dream. That's when he says it the most. It's almost like he can't stop saying it.

“We don't _have_ to order the traditional Japanese breakfast.”

“I love you.”

See.

You've been on holiday together and that's how you look at tour, essentially. A big old road trip around the country and then around another, bigger country across the sea.

It's nothing like being on holiday. You're in a new city every day, and you've grown accustomed to the sounds of cars and horns. Roads don't agree with Phil and you're his personal caretaker (no questions asked). You hand him tablets, rub his head and stomach, hold his hand and he spends the next ten hours telling you he loves you.

After years of knowing him, you still find that you fall in love with Phil every single day. You fall in love with him falling in love with you.

(Except for when he decides it's time for a _Buffy_ rewatch. Fuck him then.)


End file.
